Church of Body Modification

As a child, I was ostracised by family and peers. I was an abused kid, very lonely, and was frequently called a 'freak'. All this as I struggled to look and be like them. In the end, I gave up, and lived as someone never really belonging to anyone, least of all themselves. I left home at 16, but still tried to stay within the bounds of what I had been taught until I started to come out of this in my 20's. My first adventure into modification was by shaving my head. I grew to decide that the world could fuck off if they didn't like me. -I- was going to like me, and I hated the feeling of the hair on my head. Shaving was a liberating experience, and I retain a shaved head (with a braid in back) to this day.

From there, a girlfriend insisted on wanting to be with me for my first tattoo, a personal religious symbol on my left breast, and she offered to pay for it if I would sit. A simple tattoo, it had been something I had wanted since childhood, an expression of the spirituality I fought to keep alive during my abusive childhood. 

The results bouyed me.  I found myself in control of my body and its appearance empowering.

This transformed me on many levels, and I ventured into the experience of changing myself with a septum piercing not long after. From septum to labret, to scarification and bondage, to multiple facial piercings to tattooing my face, over the years modification, I have to say, has been pivotal in raising my self esteem, and in the recovery from severe abuse.

When I tattooed my face at 30 years of age, I stepped into a new Self and a new understanding of a loving, accepting GOD, finally divorcing myself from the harsh, oppressive God of my Father and of a good deal of the world.

I embraced a GOD that loves art and beauty and to whom expression of that is sacred and paramount. I paint, I sculpt, I write, all things I was punished and attacked for as a child, told were 'demonic' and 'satanic'…that I was a witch for seeing and drawing things that didn't exist.

I looked at their profane and saw my sanity.

GOD would accept me no matter who I was. My job…was to be the Self I was made to be, as I see it. 

My first tattoo was the ultimate freedom from my childhood. Like godunderfoot, I was an abused child. I am still dealing with the aftermath of that at age 22. But I have to fight through. My first tattoo was a phoenix, which represents rebirth. I drew it up and finally decided to get it. The whole process was extremely liberating. It represents myself, in giving up what I thought was a part of life. I had a rebirth at age 18 when I realized I wasn't at the whim of my father's moods. I didn't have to be beaten to be paid attention to, and I didn't deserve to be beaten in the first place. This was the representation of all of that. I moved on in my life the moment the last piece was finished. It helped my self-esteem incredibly.

Further on, my tattoos and piercings have made me more personable, since people ask me about them all the time. Especially my stretched lobes. People ask me about them all the time, and I try to do my best to educate them about what happens, etc.

 I personally think it sends the message that I don't take any one elses ideas on how my body should be personally or as my own beliefs. I modify for my own personal beliefs, it's part of who and what I am.

 Sadly, I do admit that I see how some of the reactions are from “conservative” or simply less open people. I can see the look on your face change when you get closer to me and realize what's in my face, or on my body. It bothers me, sometimes, to think that there are people who can't take the time to understand my body modification, but that's alright. People are entitled to their beliefs and I respect what they have to say and what they think. (though sometimes I don't get why it's really necessary that they say it TO me)

 So, as for my self esteem in the matter of my mods. It changes, I suppose. I have no problem with what I've done to my body - I love it and I believe in my reasons for it. So that part doesn't bother me at all. I don't look in the mirror and think “Geez, what will I look like in twenty years, what will I do then?” etc. etc. Because that's not what I'm interested in - I did not do this for a temporary aesthetic. But, the part that does tend to make me sad is the thoughts of other people. I can be quite a people person, I'm not the nicest person all the time, but I am generally easy to get along with and have little problem talking to people. But it takes more… effort, I guess, to get through to people and show them that simply because I have mods doesn't mean I'm a “Freak” or that I'm mean in any way. I think it's sad when people are so close-minded I can see their negative oppinion in their eyes when they look at me.

 And for what I read of you spreading the word on body mod education I completely agree. I go out of my way to give people I don't know Sea Salt and explain to them how to use it and how to care for their piercings. It bothers me to see people uneducated in piercings and tattoos DIYing it. Part of my belief in Body Modification is that it's part of my job to educate people. My Senior Project this year is “Body Modification Awareness”. I'm going to present to underclassmen health classes. I plan to go in depth on not only care and protecting your body by having a professional or someone educated do your mods, but also discrimination, other reasons for it than simply the aesthetic, etc. etc. I hope to mention the church in order to help explain my own personal beliefs in it.

 Thank you for posting this topic! =) I love it.

I haved worked in the construction business for 10 years and believe it or not I have had people judge me and make comments about my tats and then they would say, “I'm not referring to you” and I would be the only one in the room with tats that were visible.  That does not lower my self esteem at all because I love my tats and they all have a meaning to me, I have not gotten any of them in a spirtuallity way yet.  The only thing that bothers me is the fact that I have been forced to change my career as I was laid off from my job due to economic downturn and I now attend college and will be a graduate in June 2009 in the medical field and I would like to persue a position in the hospital and you are allowed to have tats but under no sircumstances can you have facial piercings and right now the only one I have is a monroe (small diamond stud) and I dont like the fact that I may have to take it out one day to obtain employment.   My belief is, my body is my body (my temple) per say, and I can do what I please to it and I dont like the fact that people can tell you what you can and can not do to your body as far as employment is concerened.  But  at this point in my life, because of my lay off I am trying to avoid foreclosure, so if I have to take my piercing out; I will do so, but it greatly bothers me.  My next process is to find someone who can do scars and I want one that represents starting a new life, cleasning my soul from all the bad that has and is happening in my life right now and give me the strength to continue to go on and change my life style that I live right now.

Yes, I have to purchase a retainer for my lip.  I believe too that it is just a policy of Bayhealth Medical Center.  My step mom works in a surgical room at a hospital in Baltimore, MD and she has a nose stud any many tats, and she is allowed to keep hers in. I know that is what I have to do, if I want a job and one that pays pretty good, but you know it still does bother me. I do understand why we are judged because of how it was many years ago, however the world has changed greatly so much, from more and more people getting tattoos, piercings and even having a multi-racial president.  I just want the world to become more open on these types of things and I may offend an older person with my lip ring and tattoos but when they here me speak to them and how good I will treat them, that to me is all that should matter.  Well, atleast I have a few more months before I have to put plastic in my face.

I'd say a lot of my piercings have boosted my self-esteem. My septum being at 8 gauge now is definately one of my more special piercings. My ampallang being my favorite piercing has gradually boosted my self esteem, and not only that but my self-confidence. Almost all my piercings have given me more confidence and more self-esteem.

My nose rings do the same for me.  I felt like I was waiting my whole life to have those little black, BioPlast stars on my face!