Church of Body Modification

One of the other threads in here has lost a bit of focus (in an interesting way) and has moved (partially my fault) into discussing when we got our first mods.  Well, this has led to some people talking about their parental units and their responses to their kids' modifications.  As a parent, and as an extremely modified parent at that, I'm VERY interested in what your parents have said over time about your mods.  What did they say when you got you first mods?  What do you they say now?  Have things changed?  Has what they have said about your mods changed the way you feel about the mods?  About your parents?  Tell us more about this, will you please?  And, if you are a modded parent, maybe tell us how you see your kids and their desire (or not) to be modded themselves.

David/Midian2000

i remember when i got my first tattoo. my mother was furious. “how could you do that?” “where did i go wrong?” you know the story. but then i explained at least i'm not out mugging or robbing or taking drugs. i'm not out looking for hookers, not killing anyone or even hurting anyone else. she backed off. still dosen't understand ….but backed off my back!

My parents/family still aren't pleased with the concept of modifying myself, so while im under their roof I kinda have to keep it on the down low…They only know of one tattoo(the burnt/removed one) and the pierced ears(cos they were allowed, but since then not allowed)…They don't know about the other tattoos, scars, brands(knock on wood)

Although I've been caught on a few occasions and even got smashed up a bit for it, I continue to do these things cos I like them and they make me feel good on the inside and look awesome on the outside…I wonder if that makes me a semi-martyr

I had the first hole in my lobes done when I was 7 or 8. It was my mom's idea, if I recall correctly. My friends were having them done, and she asked me if I wanted mine done too. I decided sure, what the heck. A month after my 17th birthday, she offered to take me to have second holes pierced in my lobes. I was apprehensive, but it was something I wanted. If she hadn't encouraged me, I probably wouldn't be where I am today.

The next modification I got was my navel, for my 21st birthday. I got that done with my Aunt, who had several tattoos already. 

From ages 22-24, I got industrials done on both ears, got my first tattoo done on the back of my neck, and had a ritual tattoo done on the back of my left calf. I nearly lost my right ear from the infection in the cartilage, and my mom was never happy about that. No one knew of the tattoos for the longest time.

I got the tattoo of the butterfly on my left forearm when I was 26. I showed my mom the design before I had it done and she loved it, she just didn't know it was going on my FOREARM. I think she was shocked at first. She understood the family and ritual significance of the image, though.

And now, at 29 years old, I have the bridge of my nose and my septum pierced. Until recently, I had both nostrils pierced, too. My parents have always been supportive of my decisions, but I am aware that my modifications are not decisions they would have made for me. They wanted me to be normal, beautiful, and desireable. They wanted me to be respected. The initial fear was that the modifications made me less desireable and less respectable as a human being. I've showed them in recent years that this is NOT the case. I'm still me underneath. People still respect me. People still find me desireable as a partner and a friend. People still talk to me at the grocery store. The path I've taken isn't bad, just different.

I always encourage modified people to communicate with their parents. Hell, communicate with everyone. If someone has a question while you're buying dinner, take the time to answer those questions. Does it matter if the hole in my ears is 20g or 1/2″ or 1-1/4″? No. I'm still human underneath, a person with responsibilities and a family. I want people to know WHO I am. I think people should explain to their PARENTS who they are. Parents aren't mindreaders. They don't know why you modify. If they don't “get it” at first, keep trying. Maybe they didn't understand the terms you used. Maybe they've never heard of the people you idolize. Maybe they've never felt the bliss and release from a mod. Keep describing it. You'll hit on terms they'll understand sooner or later. You don't want them to give up on you, don't give up on them either.

Mom on my first tattoo: “I should be pretty upset, but that's really pretty.”

Dad on my eyebrow piercing: “I'm gonna rip that f**ker out.”

Mom on my tattoos now: “When are you doing mine?”

Dad on my piercings now: “You look funny without them.. big… empty holes…”

Mom on piercings: “Those plugs are pretty.. what stone?”

Dad on my tattoos: “I want an elk.. right here *point*”

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

my parents have never liked what i have done to my body.  my mom mostly, my dad just doesnt talk about it unless hes already mad.  but when i first got my lip pierced my mom cried and three weeks later when i came home with a ring in my nostril i got thrown out of my house.  same thing happened when i got my septum done.  as far as tattoos they dont mind as much, my dad even wants to get tattooed with me one day.  but now that i have dropped out of school and said i wanted to become a piercer, they have totally been against it.  my mom always says she wishes i would re-think it all and go back to school and get a real job.  and now that i am as heavily moddified as i am life in general got hard as far as jobs and the general public's reactions, which has never made my parents feel better.  so im convinced they will never fully accept what i choose to do.

What did they say when you got you first mods? 

It's funny what parents consider “modification”, you know. I mean, truly, anything is a modification if it didn't happen naturally and yet it seems that as parents this gets slightly overlooked. It's not like if we got braces they said “Oh my god, that's horrible” or “Why do you want to go and do that”. My own mother had my ears pierced when I was in middle school so I'd feel like I fit in with the in-girl crowd. I learned then it doesn't matter what you do if you're not mixing with a group of kids. So, when I started thinking seriously about tattoos most of my adult friends told me I shouldn't,  and my mom said only bikers get tattoos. Then of course gave me all the warnings about needles, etc. So, I figured when I actually did it she'd be “oh my god”. However, she asked the meaning of it and thought it was a beautiful tattoo, which it is lol. She is always saying how impressed she is with my husband in that he's quite intellectual and heavily tattooed, so I think it made it easier for her to accept when I actually did get my first, and later ones. She really loves the design on my foot. Now, where my ears are concerned, that's where she started getting upset.

What do you they say now?  Have things changed? 

I suppose this really goes under here. She's ok with the tattoos and knows I want my full body done eventually. However, she's not ok with the guages and is always sending me regular guage earrings. I think as s sign I'll go back. Her words to me over the last Christmas holiday was “Why on earth do you want them larger”, and she just rolled her eyes when I gave my explanations. However, she's not in the knowledge that we're Pagan either so that makes it difficult to explain all of them. Perhaps one day when I feel she's ready for the knowledge that I'm Pagan, then explaining my body modifications will be easier. Interestingly enough she's fine with me wanting to get a tummy tuck. That apparently isn't “body modifcation” in her book and is perfectly normal.

Has what they have said about your mods changed the way you feel about the mods?  About your parents? 

Not much of what my parents say effects me any more. It used to, before modifcations. It seems that since I started my body modifications and connecting more with my deties that I take what they say with a grain of salt and know that it comes from them being loving sentient beings who will always want the best for their daughter. I'm the same way with my own children, so I've come to realize this. I also feel that with more education and the more they are around me and my husband with modifications the more they will grow to see past that. Of course, I'd like to personally talk my mother into at least a double set of earrings or something. She can't tattoo because of her diabetes but if they ever make something to help her control and she can, I'd love to see her get a butterfly to help her remember her own father. (A story for another time). So in short, what people say about my modifications won't stop me from getting them and continuing to do what I feel is a connection for me to the Goddess.

 And, if you are a modded parent, maybe tell us how you see your kids and their desire (or not) to be modded themselves.

Wow, this is a tough one. My two children from my second marriage are still little, age 2 years and 2 months. The two year is very aware that we are modded and often is trying to draw tattoos on himself to be like his daddy, who has quite a few. I think he views us as normal and from the looks of it now, i think he'll end up being modded of his own accord. I'm not for piercing babies ears simply because of the risk of jewelry coming loose and being swallowed, which I've read too many articles on so I'm a bit hesitant on that. I also feel that for them their choice should be their own when they know what they are doing. In terms of my four older children from my first marriage, none want tattoos or excessive piercing as they refer to it. They give me lectures all the time asking why we have so many, how we're able to keep a job, etc. I've tried to explain it to the best of my ability but I simply smile as a parent and know I've allowed them to grow up to be independent thinkers and what they think is their own right to think it. I do ask them to respect others rights to be as they are and to not judge a person by the way they look. So far, they seem to be getting the lesson in that.

What did they say when you got you first mods? 

Well my first ear piercing was when I was like 6 months old and my second set was done when I was 7 years old because my mom wanted to try out a disposable piercing gun she bought. When I was 14 I finally asked to get my eyebrow pierced and my parents flipped. Well not to long afterwards my dad died so he didn’t get much of a say anymore and I won a bet with my mom so she took me to get my eyebrow pierced. My mom almost threw up. After that my mom was pretty cool about the piercings, she actually started getting me piercings for my birthday and Christmas, until I wanted to have a surface piercing done on my arm. I eventually got it but it took a bit of convincing. After my first tattoo, I didn’t tell her because I wasn’t sure how she would respond, I went to visit her at work(she works at my old elementary school) and she touched my back and I moved away so she pulled up my shirt. She took me around to all of her friends so they could see it.

What do you they say now?  Have things changed?

When I got my nipples pierced she chased me around my brothers house trying to get me to show her. Now she asks me every time I get a new tattoo if I am trying to beat her.

Has what they have said about your mods changed the way you feel about the mods?  About your parents? 

I realize that my mom isn’t me. She likes some things I have done and doesn’t like others and that’s her right. I like what I have done and that’s all that matters to her. My older brothers are worse than my mom by far, they always tease me.

How would you explain to your child what your tattoos/piercings/brandings/scars are and what they mean to you?

Well my daughter is pretty young(21 months) right now to understand but she notices my tats, piercings, scars, and brands. She rubs my tattoos. She points at my piercings. She also kisses my brands and scars. I think she sees it’s as normal, everyone in my family has either a piercing or a tattoo. My nephew is 3 yrs old and he has seen his mother get tattooed. Every time someone gets a new tattoo he rubs them and ask “You got new tattoo?” It’s kind of funny he kisses my brands to.

 And, if you are a modded parent, maybe tell us how you see your kids and their desire (or not) to be modded themselves.

My husband and I have decided that when she is mature enough to decide she wants piercings(as long as it’s legal) we will take her to have them done. We also agreed that if she wants a tattoo done and she has put legitimate thought into it we will take her to have it done. Of course we will explain all the aftercare and lasting effects but in the end it will be her choice. If she doesn’t want to be modified that’s awesome, to be honest I think she is perfect the way she is.

sherilynndupuis said:

I'm going to put this here because David already mentioned it once before:

How would you explain to your child what your tattoos/piercings/brandings/scars are and what they mean to you?

this was actually a question i was looking forward to and very much anticipated from my kids,my kids love my ink work especially since they know theyre part of it:)(i have 5 stars on left arm for my 5 kids),i sat them down and explained the ink done one by one and what they mean to me,and its really funny too,you know im convinced that if kids dont get the judgmental”ink is wrong”showed down their throats when young,they wont grow up to be judmental biggots.

My kids cracks up when they see a certain response from people that dont get it,does that mean theyll get ink done or pierced too?dunno,dont care.

1) What did they say when you got you first mods? I got my first tattoo when I was 18 & had my x-husbands name put in it, yes my mother was right on that one, never put a mans name tattoed on you, I had to cover it up.

2) What do you they say now? My mom doesn't really say much except for why, my dad is heavily tattoed & loves all of it, & when I get a new tattoo or piercing he says, “that's my girl”, my grandparents on the other hand hate everything & tell me that I will never get anywhere in life with visible tattoos and piercings.

3) Have things changed? No, I hear the same old song & dance with my grandparents everytime I get something new.

4) Has what they have said about your mods changed the way you feel about the mods? NO

5) About your parents? NO, my grandparents are old school, so I just deal with the lectures & then it's over with until I get something new. I told my grandmother to record herself so she could just play it back when needed too, so she doesn't have to waste her breath.

6) Tell us more about this, will you please? I do not regret anything that I have done, however, because of the views of ignorant people in this world I am forced to cover certain things up working in the health care field.

7) And, if you are a modded parent, maybe tell us how you see your kids and their desire (or not) to be modded themselves. My kids know why I have my tattoos and piercings, either they mean something to me spiritually or just because of my likings. I am very open minded & will be supportive of my children in their decisions, my daughter is 14 & she wants to get her belly button done, I told her I would take her when she tells me she is ready.  If she said she wanted a tattoo, I would try to convince her though to start out with something small, & to think about it & see if it would be something she would want for a really long time & convince her to get it somewhere that can be covered up very easily.