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My school.
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September 17, 2012
3:52 pm
Jason Frazier
Houston, Tx
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Hey!
I'm a new member here and I want to discuss my troubles I've been having with my school.
Last year I moved to a tiny town called Wallis, I moved from Houston, Tx.
Anyways, the schools dress code doesn't allow facial piercings or boys to have ear piercings. This didn't settle well with me because my stretched lobes and septum piercing. As much as I didn't wanna comply I had to cause I had no plausible reason to why they should let me. As much I wanted to say that they're a part of me I couldn't cause they wouldn't buy it.
Over the summer while I was going through the bmewiki page I found CoBM. I didn't fill out the application till about two days after school started though, so while I waited for my reply I continued to follow dress code because I wanted to make sure I was a member before I told my Principal why I wouldn't be removing my jewelry . Then last night I got an email saying I was accepted, I freaked out for little bit cause of how excited I was, hahhaha. Anyways, so since I was now a member I figured I'd be able to tell the school. So today in the morning as I waited for a teacher to approach me about my jewelry being in, the Principal came up to me and I told him why I didn't have to. He made me come to his office and filled out a suspension form all the while mocking me and the church. I told him many times that the church is real and federally recognized but he didn't believe and continued to mock me. Now I've been suspended for three days and if when I return I'm either put in AEP or expelled. What am I supposed to do about this? He said I could take them to court about it but that I'd loose cause Texas is so conservative, also I don't even have that type of money to take it to court. I think he only says this though cause he doesnt believe me that the church is real and that I'm just trying to rebel against the dress code. Are there any similar cases of something like this happening? I'd really like to know.
Now, I just want to state as well that I am NOT using the church for legal protection. I honestly thought the school would be more compliant and reasonable but they weren't.
So please someone help me out here on what I should do!

"We only have what we remember."- Dan Smith of Listener.
September 17, 2012
5:18 pm
KendrahLi
Los Angeles, CA -818
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You can try the ACLU but they aren't always able to help. One of my previous groups tried to go to them over issues with Kirk Cameron illegally recording a ritual and using it to slander us on his show. Needless to say they told us no because he had better lawyers.

There is a certain level of compliance in things related to schooling, and age can be a factor when dealing with such things. It never hurts to talk to them and ask.

-= www.khaotyk-artwerx.com =- Ex Ignorantia Ad Sapientiam; E Luce Ad Tenebras
September 17, 2012
5:32 pm
Jason Frazier
Houston, Tx
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Alright, well thanks for the words of advice. I have a few friends that are helping me out right now on what I should do, hopefully i can get this settled.
I just see it as if a muslim can wear their hijab then i should be able to wear my jewelry

"We only have what we remember."- Dan Smith of Listener.
September 18, 2012
5:40 am
Oakbear
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Hi Jason.

Now i'm not a lawyer, but i believe there are some legal protections, and yes we're a genuine spiritual group, but it is a complicated matter, and the law is still uncertain. For anyone to say they know the outcome of any court case is silly though, unless they are a specialist lawyer at least.

Maybe i read things incorrectly, but it reads like a confrontation that maybe didn't need to happen. Changing what you wear, knowing it outside the dress code, without any notice, is quite challenging to an authority, and when you were asked not to you refused.

What reaction did you expect? I'm not condoning the Principle's actions, but i think a prior discussion would have been preferable, and more likely to get a positive result.

What were you wearing before you got your CoBM acceptance email? (Congrats btw! Smile).

Why are you unhappy with what compromise you had to make before it?

What case law there is strongly suggests that compromise when able is expected of both parties. If you could compromise before, why not now?

 

If you are not able to compromise for some reason you need to explain why with the school, but i can't expect that path to be easy, and may be rejected. Providing information about the CoBM might help. How do your parents feel? Can females wear jewellery in stretched lobes?

If you can compromise (retainer, plugs out etc) then i advise to do so, although it might not hurt to give some info anyway.

Communication is the key, and a big part of that is being prepared to understand how the other party may feel or perceive things, although i accept that doesn't always work, especially if the other side is unwilling to do the same.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Nietzsche
September 18, 2012
1:55 pm
Jason Frazier
Houston, Tx
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You're right, I probably should've gave them a bit of a heads up on what was to possibly come, but after seeing how i was treated yesterday I don't believe it would've mattered much to them.
Before I just took my tunnels out and flipped my septum up. I had no option but to.
I hated doing this for mainly three reasons.
1) When I have my plugs/tunnels in I just feel so different and uncomfortable. I absolutely do not feel my self when I don't have any jewelry in my lobes.
2) I've been sitting at 7/8 for about 7 to 9 months now and I've been wanting to go up for awhile now. I can't tape up or anything because I have to pop em out for about 8 hours a day. This also connects with the first reason because I don't feel complete at my current size.
3) When I first started stretching I was EXTREMELY uneducated and stupid about it. I "stretched" my ears rapidly and super fast just about cramming anything I could in there to get bigger. So now I have a pretty bad case of cat-butt going on, no blow out thankfully. Anyways, I didn't learn my lesson till about 5/8. Anyways, I feel like I don't set a very good example to the kids that aren't informed on body mod because they think every ones ears with look like that.

I did mean to get some information about the church but it completely slipped my mind that morning. My dad isn't very supportive of most things i do, as hes quite conservative himself. He didn't really understand how there could be a church of body modification. He actually sent (im guessing Chris) an email asking questions about the church and explaining the situation with my school. Yes, girls are allowed jewelry in they're stretched lobes. Boys aren't allowed any type of ear piercing, but girls are, even at that though they're only allowed two at most on each ear. Facial piercings strictly prohibited on everyone.
Id be happy to just wear clear silicone, acrylic, or glass while at school. As long as I can have something in I'd be pleased. There is one other male student with stretched ears, he is about a 2g or 0g and he wear clear silicone and manages to get away with it, but i believe this is only because he is at a smaller size that the school thinks he isn't actually wearing anything. Another friend of mine wears a retainer for her lip, but she told me the school hasn't noticed it.
Although, at large, I don't want to make a compromise, I want to make a change. I don't necessarily do this to better my school experience, but to help everyone else too.

"We only have what we remember."- Dan Smith of Listener.
September 19, 2012
11:28 am
Oakbear
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It does sound like the school may not have been too receptive anyway, but who knows? I guess it is a moot point now, but talking and being reasonable might still help.

I can understand not wanting to compromise, but there is something to be said for picking one's battles, and for conflict to be a last resort. Compromise is a reality of life.

 

I can also understand the frustration at not being able to stretch. While i do not condone denying someone this for some arbitrary reason, i wonder how long until you have finished at school?

One of the lessons i guess you have learned is about patience with lobes. What is another year or so? It will probably do your ears good if they are damaged (and maybe even going without jewellery to downsize and heal is an idea, aside from the situation).

I think having your mistake on show might be uncomfortable, but living with it is a good reminder of how you have developed and are accepting responsibility for past mistakes. That can take strength, learning acceptance. All these things can be part of the journey that help you grow and develop.

 

I apologise if this advice sounds patronising or unhelpful, but it's well meant, and i do empathise with your situation. It'd be nice if we were simply accepted, but i don't think we can make people do that.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Nietzsche
September 19, 2012
3:24 pm
Sommersett
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Maybe a shrink back down to 1/2 inch or even 5/8 would make it easier to have them out for several hours.  You can always go larger after you have graduated. 

    I totally feel your struggle!!  I have had numerous people around me trying to get me to change my appearance.  One time I was a bridesmaid in a big fancy wedding and I was asked to hide my dreadlocks and wear clip on earrings over my stretched lobes. 

    I feel the same way you do, and I think many of us do, about changing the overall mindset of people in regards to our body modifications.  I have had some personal success when I "march to the beat of my own drum."  Focus on your own personal path of being successful and happy and healthy and others will notice…. I promise!!  If you make straight A's in ALL OF YOUR CLASSES, you will make people think that other people with body mods are also smart.  People will always group people together as an attempt to understand the culture as a whole.  It's silly, and not very fair, but true as far as I know. 

    I'm sure you feel many emotions towards the people trying to stop you from doing what you want with your body!!  I'd like to kick that principals ass just because he was such a jerk!!  Alas, that will not happen.  My personal trick to gain acceptance when I want it from administration or family elders is to share success they can understand and relate with.  Allow them to rejoice in your life when and where they can so they can find and feel the happiness they have for you inside.  Distract them from your (BEAUTIFULWink) ears by putting all your achievements in their face.  Get involved with some community projects with people who will not be bothered by your mods.  Get a hobby you enjoy.  A few people in the church like dice and enjoy the people in their town into that.  I have worked with Food Not Bombs and US P.I.R.G. and even Big Brothers and Sisters Club.  Learn to play your Dad's favorite song on piano or guitar and I bet he would forget about those earrings for a moment and just accept you.

    IDK if it helps to read this but… THINGS WILL CHANGE!! 

Everyone has something to say about the Mona Lisa until you're standing in front of it speechless.
September 20, 2012
12:42 am
Jason Frazier
Houston, Tx
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Oakbear- I am currently in the 11 grade, but I don't do too well academically unfortunately, so It could be the planned class of 2014 or possibly, but hopefully not, the next two years afterwards. Once I turn 18 I plan on moving out of my dads, so I guess yeah It'll be another year till I'm out of this awful school. 

Sommersett- Downsizing is something I've really been wanting to do actually aside from my earlier statement of wanting to go bigger. The problem I face is not having smaller sized jewelry to put in though. I want to downsize my right to 5/8 and possibly my left to 3/4 as my right is a bit thinner than my left. Its just hard for me to find jewelry cause I need at least a half inch wearable space to wear comfortably. I can wear a tad bit smaller but I desperately depend on o rings to keep them in. From what I've come across too is that jewelry is typically sold with a 3/8 width, which is seriously impossible for me to keep in! D: There needs to be a store dedicated to the wider lobed individuals such as myself hahahaha!
I'd love to get straight A's, pshhh even B's, but as I told Oakbear, I don't do so well academically. HOWEVER, this year I am doing rather well, I'm only struggling in math and us history.
I do have a hobby I rather enjoy, which is logo making for bands of the heavier side of the spectrum when it comes to music. I'm actually hoping to set up a little online business soon enough to make a little cash on the side. I'd LOVE to become more involved in my community, but this town is so small there really isn't much of one to begin with! I feel it very vital to my future that I get out of this town as soon as possible.

Thanks to both of you! Your advice was rather helpful!
Now if anyone that sees this could let me know where I can get some good clear silicone id appreciate it.
Answer is probably kaos, but i wanna see if there are any other options.

"We only have what we remember."- Dan Smith of Listener.
September 20, 2012
2:34 am
Oakbear
UK
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I'm glad the advice has helped!Smile

Our journey with modification is often not as simple as getting a piercing and wearing it!

 

For downsizing, leave the jewellery out for a while ( a few days a week or so) then see what comfortably fits in with any stretching. Should stop the plug falling out or need for o-rings.

As for silicone, i've never seen any plugs anywhere near the quality of Kaos. I don't know at smaller sizes but at 2" they have 1/2" wearable as well. Wide lobes ftw!

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Nietzsche
September 23, 2012
9:32 am
Sommersett
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I remember struggling to have enough money to buy good jewelry when I was younger.  I still budget for "extra treats" like jewelry.  Thankfully my budget has grown as my expensive tastes have as well!! 

If your ears have settled down and there is no broken skin, I suggest bamboo.  It is easy to find growing wild where I am, or very inexpensive to buy.  You could even grow some yourself and harvest it and wear it.  Also, you could sand down a pair of wood plugs you already have to fit your new "wearable" size and then save up for better jewelry in the future. 

 

Most of my favorite jewelry is one of a kind.

Everyone has something to say about the Mona Lisa until you're standing in front of it speechless.
September 23, 2012
12:53 pm
Jason Frazier
Houston, Tx
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Hmmm, good alternatives, thank you guys so much!

"We only have what we remember."- Dan Smith of Listener.
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