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Cutters?
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Tags: cutting
October 9, 2011
1:13 am
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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Do we have any here, and if so what are your reasons?

I bring this up because I was an emotional cutter. I haven't cut for emotional reasons in a very long while, but the urge is still there.

I have also cut for life moments. Am I alone in this? Sorry this post isn't so well put togwther just got off work.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 10, 2011
6:34 am
jwestpsk
Arkansas
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I am a teacher and have a student who is a cutter.  I have read about this topic but would love to hear from some people with real experiences.

October 10, 2011
10:04 pm
Oakbear
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I'm not sure about the definition of 'cutter' as i think that seems to miss out on the intent.

I have intentionally cut myself on rare occasions, for different reasons, but not as self harm . I have a fair bit of experience of self harm as a mental health nurse, and also with people in my personal life.

I think there is a definite difference between types of intentionally causing physical damage to the body, depending on motivation. Having said there i understand there is a degree of cross-over with body modification, and many in the modification world may have previously self harmed.

Self harm is usually a negative cycle, and one it's hard to break. I applaud anyone with the strength to make that change.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Nietzsche
October 10, 2011
10:30 pm
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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More about me.

Hi I'm Amanda and I use to cut in order to know I was still alive. This started when I was 7years old. I won't get into the my life was this nor that because honestly, that's niether here nor there. All I knew was that I was hurting and for a short while it made the hurt go away.

At about 10 I got a hold of a book of Native American rituals, and in this book I found that the Native Americans thought that evil spirits lived in our blood. So durring certain times of the year a blood letting ceremony was done to rid their bodies of the evil that may have invaded them. This put my cutting in check to a small degree. I felt I had more evil than most I guess.

As I got much older I was able to stop cutting for negative reasons. Now only using the once ocd control tool, for small power rituals.

But I guess I initialized this post because just recently I have had urges to just make a canvas out of flesh due to frustrations of my new work. Meditations keep turning dark.

So struck my curiousity.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 11, 2011
11:19 pm
amber visions
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hi.. my name is becca and i was a cutter.. I did it because i had so much emotions to deal with that I couldnt identify one single issue to focus on to "fix".. when i would cut it was a release of all that emotion and to say "this is what hurts, this is what i need to heal". I cleared my mind. I havent cut in years.. but its just like smoking, when you quit, that craving is still there, but as time goes on, it gets less and less.. if im extremely upset and stressed and my head seems to spin with it, I still have an urge to cut, but i dont any more because of what i do have in my life.. so I just do other things now, meditate, cry it out, scream therapy. (as weird as that sounds, it works) to get my shit under control.. I felt like i couldnt control what was happening in my life, but when i cut it made it clear what hurt and how to fix it.

October 12, 2011
2:31 am
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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Thank you for sharing Becca. I can relate a lot to what you said. Right now I'm having trouble fighting those urges due to my inner conflicts with work. While meditation helps it truely is like a drug to me, that just gets all the bad out.

I hope that made sence. Its about 0230 here.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 13, 2011
12:01 am
amber visions
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definitely makes sense.. have you tried scream therapy?

 

honestly is the best thing that helped me over come those violent urges…

what you do is write down everything that happening with your inner conflict about work and take a pillow and just scream at it everything that is upseting you.. just let it all go, punch the pillow if you have to hug it, yell do whatever you need to to get the bad urges out and then.. afterwards meditate.. let it all go to the universe and let yourself heal.. it was the best thing i could have ever done to keep myself from cutting.

October 13, 2011
12:50 am
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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I haven't tried that. Thank you for the tip. I do scream. I meditate but never thought of that therapy. Normally I don't have the privacy. I've been writing a lot and that seemed to take the edge off this time. I haven't been this edged in a while. Thank you again for the tip.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 14, 2011
12:13 am
amber visions
reno, nv
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i promise youll feel a thousand times better.. promise! lol im glade i can help.. if you need to talk ever.. i have skype and you can message me on there.. my name is sky_pirate_pixie

 

:)

October 15, 2011
12:04 am
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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Thank you darling. <3

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 16, 2011
4:43 am
amber visions
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no problem!

October 19, 2011
7:31 pm
bettyrage
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I used to be a cutter. It started when I was pretty young – about 13 or so. It was my coping mechanism. I didn't stop until about 5 years ago. I realized that I was harming myself badly, and after a few trips to the ER for stitches, and being forced to stay in the hospital, I knew I had to regain control.

The scars, both physical and emotional are still there. My sleeve helps to cover some, but it always kills me when people bring it up or ask me about them. I regret it, but I don't.

I still get the urge when I'm stressed out or emotionally destroyed, but I've managed to stay away from it for some time now. It's a hard addiction to overcome, and I wish you luck.

October 20, 2011
7:40 am
astral_phoenix
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Thank you for sharing Betty. So far I'm in the clear, and I hope the same for you.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
October 21, 2011
7:49 pm
Raychul
New Mexico
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I started cutting when I was 12-13, for emotional reasons. I was bullied in middle school a lot because of my weight. I actually got caught with razor blades at school. And I was almost arrested for that. Anyway, I stopped cutting in high school. I still have urges and I have to admit that I have cut recently. It was because of a falling out with a friend. I attempted suicide but, that's not relevant to the topic.

So, now instead of cutting I do bloodletting (via needles, not cutting). I find that cutting is way more detrimental than bloodletting. Also, the draining of blood actually made me feel better, compared to cutting.

I'm rambling.. Sorry if I got off topic. I'm just not used to talking about this stuff.

I completely understand the urges. And I applaud those who don't give in to those urges. It takes a strong will to not cut.

November 2, 2011
10:34 am
stephievonhutter
ohio
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I am not a cutter…I have however known quite a few.  I am a mother, a body artist, a business woman and in the interest of shedding some light on the mysterys of our body mod practices I am working on a masters in pscyhology…not clinical psych but Industrial and Organizational Psych which translates to psych for business.  Nevertheless it involves the studies of human behavior but not from a "find a cure" angle…more like observation.  One thing that has increasingly frustrated me is the way that so much of the professionals within the field of psychology dismiss most forms of body modification as self harming.  I intend to study this statistically as much as possible and eventually do some scholarly writing on the subject.  To me this is where much of the discrimination we suffer comes from….everyone is lumped into a group as if we are all self harmers that simply found a way to do it that is trendy.  I have a theory that while not all of the modified community were once self harmers…obviously many were….my theory is that in most cases body modification gave many self harmers a more positive way of being in touch with their bodies and helped give them empowerment.  I do not believe that most of you who were once "cutters" simply substituted the habit with body mods.  I think it is more then that…sort of a form of healing…taking something with a negative connotation and turning it into a positive self exploration.  I am curious as to what everyone's thoughts are on this…how does your past cutting habits relate to your current body modification practices?  Do you think it is what helps you refrain from cutting?  Do you feel you are modifying for the same reasons that you used when cutting or is it more profound, positive?  Any input would be appreciated and I commend all of you for opening up on this subject:) <3

Stephie Von Hütter
November 6, 2011
6:07 pm
astral_phoenix
Bel Air, Maryland
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Stephie I respect your work, and I truely respect how you want to get deeper into the mind. I am a cutter as well as someone who modifies as much as I can within the limits of my job.

My cutting started in third grade as a way to release when I couldn't screeam but a way to let myself know I was still able to feel something. I started gaguing my ears and other modifications about middle school but at that time I was also studying the art of bloodletting. That Native Americans would cut about once a month to release evil spirits from their souls. I felt my depression as doctors liked to put it was just a bad spirit some negative energy that with meditation and a few slices id be better. It worked for a long time.

I stopped cutting until just recently when I haven been able to modify or get my negative out. Its almost like a drug. Cutting and body modifcation have taken me away from drug addiction. I think there can be positive cutters. I don't do it often. I prefer not to, and if I do cut I prefer it if it is a professional scarrification. But hey we all get urges in those rough times.

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
November 6, 2011
7:22 pm
stephievonhutter
ohio
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Thanks so much for the reply astral_pheonix:)  I hate the misconception that all members of the modified community are self loathing depressives that just wish to deface their bodies.  Certainly there are any reasons why ppl engage on body mods and it is not as simply as the psychology profession wants to make it.  I am hoping that because I am literally from both worlds I can shed some light on this subject and represent the mod community from "our" perspective and not theirs.

Stephie Von Hütter
November 7, 2011
7:08 pm
astral_phoenix
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Anytime love. I have lots of ideas rolling around in this hole filled head of mine. <3

"People living deeply have no fear of death." – Anais Nin
January 26, 2012
10:56 pm
gothiczen
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Hello all:

 

I am a high school teacher who cuts…it was bad for awhile. There was a release when I saw the blood, things grew calm and controlled (except for the visits to the emergency room). I have old scars on my arm and I was going to get a tattoo to cover them, but now I am not. Why should I have to hide these scars? I am human, I was in pain. When I cut now it is on my chest so that no-one can see them. When I look at those scars I know that I can get past the pain and confusion, that there is something other. When I cut now it is a release not just a way of dealing with emotional pain.

January 28, 2012
2:42 am
madeofpaper
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this is an old thread but maybe someone will see there are new replies and read them.

from the previous posts and just from seeing people's views on cutting in general, i always get the sense of bad connotation when it comes to cutting/self injury. i think in general cutting is ALWAYS seen as something that majorly depressed people do and people that do it want to die.

for me, this has never been the case. when i started cutting it was out of curiosity. it then lead to cutting for emotional reasons, to deal with pain and emotions i couldn't really understand or deal with or talk to anyone about. whenever i got into a certain mood, i would cut and instantly feel better.

after a while it became something completely different. i still cut for emotional reasons, but now it's only when i am very angry/frustrated. but now i do it because it actually feels good. sure, it kind of hurts, but it's not an unwanted or uncomfortable pain. it's welcoming and cleansing. i crave the feeling it gives me. i also like watching blood flow and i LOVE the look of the scars. honestly, everything that comes out of cutting i honestly enjoy. it is a good thing for me, not bad.

and i would have to say that cutting is indeed an addiction, whatever you may use it for, and the craving to do it will always be there even if you're not feeling depressed or in a mood that makes you want to cut. sometimes it just pops up in your mind, the desire.

i have even experienced transcendental experiences from cutting, which is really what lead me on the path of making body modification part of my spirituality.

so, in short, for me, cutting is a good thing.

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