Sexual remarks?? | Experiences | Forum
July 25, 2013
October 27, 2013
I once had a man acting rather agressively at me. Made some rather crude remarks about how he was gonna r@@e me BDSM style,because he could tell I was into pain because I had tattoos. I put a rock through the back window of his truck,called the cops and told them to look for his vehicle. He was found and jailed for quite awhile. I even went so far as to put money is his cellmates commissary fund.
When i first read this i thought i hadn't experienced this – why would i as a man?
Then i reflected that i have had a number of comments about people's perception of my genital piercings, comments about my tongue split etc. Now i haven't found this threatening or offensive, but i suppose that culturally it is reflected well on males if they are seen as sexually adventurous, and not for females.
When we a visibly modified we send out a message that we are willing to step outside conventional boundaries. For some people that equals sex in their mind. I suspect that especially applies to those in a bar, drinking alcohol.
It annoys me how sexualised some modified women allow themselves to be portrayed tbh. I see so many piercing and tattoo blogs which post endless pictures of modified women scantily clad and in 'sexy' poses. I suppose that mainstream aspect of how the community is portrayed i feel undermines the positive aspects of what we do. Of course it is people's right to pose how they please, but i imagine this contributes to behaviours like those described above.
July 25, 2013
I've had people remark nice things like I'm beautiful and don't need all the ink and then some are fairly vile about the choice's I've made on what I want my body to look like.
It's like they think they can try pull down the front of my top to see my chest piece, I find it very intrusive they think they can do it. Oakbear I agree on some modifed women flaunting it, I don't agree people should have to cover up but as a female I find it unpleasent to look at. more is less.
shylarose I don't blame you for what you done, must have been horrid!
November 27, 2013
I've gotten a lot of comments about how I must "like it rough/in the a$$/love pain" because of my modifications- especially about having a split tongue, like Oakbear mentioned. I never mind a curious mind, or even being complimented on anything. But there is a fine fine line, and while I chose to live my life outside of societies boundaries, I don't like being treated like meat.
My boyfriend also has a split. We went to a Halloween party recently, and he and his friend went outside to smoke, and they got accosted by some girls, and his friend dutifully pointed out the fact that my boyfriend has a split, which furthered the girls interest in trying to bed him. She followed him inside, even as he ignored her, and proceeded to make sexual comments- even in front of me! I find it in poor taste that strangers think it is okay to talk to people that way, whether they are modified or not.
ShylaRose- Good for you for standing up for yourself!
September 9, 2012
That's horrible you had to go through that shyla, good to know he got what was due.
Per the original question, being a goth and modified I get comments on a daily basis about men assuming I'm a sub, a slut and like all manner of depravity. It's played a role in leading me to being a celibate (other reasons as well) hermit. Can't even trust having new friends since most try to force themselves on me.
July 25, 2013
Kaytemew I didn't think I could handle anyone coming on to my partner, they'd polity be told to go away as there's no need for it.
I partly think it's to the uprising of tattooed models, it's attracted bad attention to people who don't want it. I think it's good on people to have the confidence but leave something to the imagination.
KendrahLi you look beautiful from your profile pic, I respect you so much for being strong in your views.
November 27, 2013
January 7, 2011
I have tats all down my back from my neck to the very bottom where my back meets up with my booty. I had met a guy online once and after several weeks of chatting we decided we got along pretty well and met up. We were at a bar and he was coming back to the table with drinks and I guess my T-shirt had come up enough in the back to see the bottom part of my tat. He exclaimed, "I didn't know you had a tramp stamp!" I wanted to sock him. Needless to say, I never talked to him again.
Another annoying one I get, I have two piercings in my left nostril. Men often ask, in a lewd manner and as if they're being clever, "Do you have any OTHER piercings?" As if I'd tell them! I usually point and say "my ears…", because there are many in my ears, but they often press the issue with, "yeah but do you have any OTHER piercings?" Ugh. My tats are all easily covered by regular clothes, but it's kinda hard to hide facial piercings. I get a LOT of lewd questions about "other" piercings. Pretty damn annoying.
I don't understand why people believe it's any of their business. I'm not going to pull up my shirt and show them the rest of my tats just because they saw the bottom, I'm not going to tell them whether I have piercings in personal places. It's one thing to just be curious, another thing entirely to use the guise of curiosity to get a peek at a woman's body.
May 24, 2012
I've been coined a vixen for as long as I can remember which is what guided my path along Tantric teachings. The thought that intimacy doesn't have to involve genitals is more of an evolved thought and discipline. If you have any specific questions about books or exercises, I am happy to share. A quick internet search will give you a good idea of what Tantric love is about.
I've been approached in a variety of ways about sex by men and women so I have had MANY opportunities to fine tune my reaction to these situations. I usually give a quote or a sentiment of kindness because people are usually searching for some love in this harsh world. Here are a few examples:
If they say something like, "your ears are pretty or your tats are sexy" I reply with a sentiment like, "if you want beautiful lips you must speak words of kindness." or "It's been a complicated journey to collect all this art." These things seem to change the conversation in a way I can enjoy, like talking about art or literature or blogs or traveling.
Sometimes I will reveal a truth about discipline and freedom to make a point that I can never be contained. Like, "With more responsibility comes more freedom" or, "Freedom is impossible without a mind that knows discipline." Go really esoteric to let them know your mind is NOT on sex related to modification.
Other times I just shoot very straight and say, "I am not interested in you talking to me like that. Please stop now."
Part of my point here is that it IS our responsibility to deal with this type of behavior, because IT WILL HAPPEN, in a way that is safe for us. SasQ has said time and time again to protect yourself!! Learn a Martial Art and live with the confidence that you can put someone on the ground in 2 seconds!! You ARE beautiful and I want you to thrive.
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