Earning My Wings | Experiences | Forum
November 19, 2012
This weekend has been one of the strangest and most trying times of my life.
Almost 2 years ago I lost my dear lover, the closest thing to a soul mate I have ever found. She hung herself from a ceiling fan. The pain from that experience has hung around for all this time. Her death really set off a chain of events. I moved away from my hometown to an hour away to Denver, I ended up on a long introspective journey about my life. Over that time several people that I have found inspirational and truly meaningful in my professional life.
First there was Stalking Cat who showed me that taking the human body past what is defined as "human" was entirely possible. He inspired me to form a concept and become what I truly thought I was inside. Next came ManWoman who showed me that it was honorable to stand up for what you believe in no matter what the opinion of others may be and that there are always two sides to the story. Finally I received news of Shannon Larratt's passing. His hit me the hardest because while I never had the pleasure of meeting him he is the reason I became the caliber of piercer I am. He showed me that the strange kid poking holes in his body and pouring over old issues of National Geographic were not alone. He gave me a community where I met so many others like me. His sites gave me hours of information that became everything that i knew about body modification.
I had a suspension scheduled with team in my area for the 16th this is my story of release of all of this stress, grief and loss.
Since I run a suspension team I set it up with the only other one in my area to not only help with a few they had scheduled but to also be suspended myself. I wont bore you with all the details but i needed to get this down somewhere and i thought that you fine folks would be appreciative.
We did a 6 point resurrection on a client of theirs. We changed locations to a skate rink rigged up there. I suspended one of the other team members by one hook in each knee with gilson hooks. He hung well and then it came time for me.
I had brought along one of my team mates and without her i would not have been able to do what i did. She was the one to pierce me and get me rigged. I was able to pull myself up. I remember thinking as i was standing on my tip toes about all of the people that I had lost, All of the hurt, all of the pain, depression, all of the bullshit and the changes that I had done in the past two years. I thought of shannon's last blog post, his words rang through my head, telling me to be strong, to follow any path, to take control and live my life the way I wanted and not the way someone else wanted me to and I pulled until my feet lifted off the ground and I just kept on grabbing the rope climbing higher and higher. My mind went calm as I looked down between my feet to see everyone smiling at me. I felt all of the shit wash away. I felt my wings spread and I remembered how to fly. After two long years of being in mourning and figuring out my path it all washed away in a beautiful moment of suspension.
I was up for several minutes then it was time for me to come down. As I lowered myself down i let the rope slide through my hands it was jerky and i dropped inches at a time. I trusted my equipment and it was a pleasure finally getting a chance to hang from my own gear.
It has now been a few days and the changes are still in play. The world has changed in a slight way and I feel amazing things are to come.
Sorry for such a long wall of text but i just had to get that out. Thank you for those who read it and i would be happy to expand on details if anyone would like to know more.
May 24, 2012
Beautiful!! You are appreciated and supported here.
Change is such a personal experience and we are all lucky to have your experiences to reflect and ponder about.
Where do you think this trajectory is for you? A small change now creates a large change later.
Also, are you getting any animal guidance you would like to share? I have hawks in my neighborhood and I saw them doing their dance today.
Have you had any interesting dreams since then?
March 4, 2013
November 19, 2012
@sommersett I am not sure what the true trajectory is for me just yet. I have been a piercer for about 7 years and have been hitting a wall where i thought about finding something else to do with my life, couple that with some personal identity issues and i was in a pretty strange place for the past few years of my life. I have been relying on so many others to show me the way while simultaneously carving out my own path. This experiance has shown me that i dont need to rely on others for direction. That i am strong enough to to things on my own while still keeping those who came before me in mind. It cemented a few thoughts i have been having about my personal concept for my body and my mind and I truly feel like body modification is my path.
I have noticed quite a few more crows around in my area which is usually pretty strange as i live in a large city and see very few animals running around that are free and wild. Sadly i have not noticed any strange dreams because i usually don't dream ( at least ones that i remember in the morning) but i have noticed a much stronger sense of the world around me and my place inside of it. It seems that i have fallen into a particular frequency that i have been on the edge of for years but haven't found a way to break into it until now.
@Derita Since i am a professional body piercer and a suspension artist i do see many more suspensions in my future. This by far has been one of my most powerful ones that i have dont because it came at a very needed time and i was able to accomplish the goal of pulling myself up that i had set so many years ago.
@Vampyremage Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to read through my experience as disjointed as it may be.
February 27, 2012
I cannot express the ways that suspension changed my life. And the ways I've seen it change others. Suspension is such a powerful force.
I absolutely loved reading your experience. It's those kinds of experiences that make me want to be a better practitioner: for myself and for my team. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. It is wonderful to think you have been able to take such an important step in healing and growing.
I know many of us us feel the grief of those who have recently left us.
My team had a suspension meet last week, where Shannon was remembered. I didn't get the chance to suspend, but it was a very moving experience. I remember such calm gentle reflection. The world seemed a little clearer. Even without suspending the energy was contagious.
It makes me grateful for what we have, and for each of our journeys that brought us to that single moment in time.
November 19, 2012
@vampyremage My reasons for suspension have varied greatly over the years. Ive gone into it for show, shock, ritual, and many other reasons but this is one of the few that I went into knowing that I needed that kind of a release. Every one has their own reasons for suspending and they are all beautiful and important. Congrats are in order for your wedding! I would love to see photos when it gets done if possible.
@KristenAtkinson0 Suspension is an amazing game changer for sure. Every person i have ever talked to that has suspended, it has changed their life in some way. It is a powerful tool for change and spirituality.
@Oakbear I can only imagine how powerful the energy was in that space. Suspending when you have such powerful emotions to release is truly something to behold. The energy that gets expelled and thrown around the room or space is very tangible and can affect everyone around suspending or not.
Suspension is one of the things that has become very close to my heart, not only as a person being suspended but being a practitioner and helping others achieve a place in their journey means so much to me. The feeling you receive when you know that the experience you have helped with changed someones life is truly awe inspiring. It is something that i will continue to do for many many many years to come and i look forward to all of the people that i can help achieve that experience.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I so very much enjoy being a part of this wonderful organization and i hope to help it grow as it helps me grow.
This all serves to whet my appetite for suspension. Life has been hectic and expensive the last few months. Two vet visits, one for each puppy, buying a bunch of cheap housewares to fill an empty house, and replacing windows at my girlfriend's house, thanks to one puppy who really really really hates cats. The big ol' turd.
A lot of things have slipped onto the back burner lately and the next few body modifications are no exceptions.
Thanks for sharing all your experiences. They were informative and enticing.
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